Speak Easy, Find Job Hard

Dec. 23, 2009

While on a run, I pass a place called "SpeakEasy" which is an English language school here in Nouméa. I think, "Hey, maybe I could work there."

Dec. 29, 2009

I return to SpeakEasy to check out the scene. The sign says it's closed until January 15th. Like everything else in Nouméa, it is shut down for a two-month summer break.

Jan. 2, 2010

I decide to call and see if anyone picks up. No one does.

Jan. 15, 2010

I drive to SpeakEasy and knock on the door. Apparently it's closed through January 15th. Crap.

Jan. 18, 2010 1:30pm

The following Monday, I come back again. They are closed for lunch. (This is actually pretty normal. Every business takes a break sometime between 11:30 and 2:00. Unfortunately, it's not a standardized thing, so you never know who is on break when.) I decide to hang around.

Jan. 18, 2010, 2:00pm

I return to SpeakEasy. Judith, the friendly woman at the desk, tells me that in order to apply, I need to provide a French CV. Sure, no problem. But I also need a "patente" which is a "right to work" permit. Much trickier to obtain. She gives me an address of an office, which luckily is close to my apartment. She says she hopes to see me soon, but her expression says she doesn't expect me to come back. That's how impossible French bureaucracy is.

Jan. 20, 2010, 12:45pm

I go to the Civic Finance office, 3rd floor. They are at lunch.

Jan. 20, 2010 1:35pm

I return to the Civic Finance office, 3rd floor. I take a number, wait, and they tell me to go to the second floor.

Jan. 20, 2010 1:50pm

On the second floor, they tell me that patentes are actually given at the Center of Commerce and Industry, which is the same building but the opposite side. They are closed until 2:30

Jan. 20, 2010 2:30

I hunt around for a while until I find the Center of Commerce and Industry. The woman there tells me I'm in the wrong place. The actual office I need to see is across the street.

Jan 20, 2010, 2:35

I go across the street to a different Commerce and Industry office. They tell me that for foreigners, patentes are handled by the Institute of Statistics, which is across town. I can't understand her French so I have her write down the address for me. Despite her patient explanation, I have no idea where it is.

Jan. 20, 2010, 4:00

I pick up Tate from and interview and make her help me find the Statistics office. We circle around town for a while until we find the building (which is inexplicably called "Malawi"), and take the elevator up to the office. They close at 3:00. Oh.

Jan. 21, 2010

With my passport and "carte de long sejour" in hand, I go to the Statistics office. I wait my turn, am called to the desk and... it works. They give me something called a "ridet" which I think means I have the right to work as an independent contractor. (I don't understand any of this at the time. I'm forced to ask some French friends to explain it to me later).

Jan. 22, 2010 11:00am

I spend a couple hours making a real French resume. Unlike an American resume, it must include your photograph, your marital status, and whether you have kids. Go figure.

Jan. 22, 2010 2:30pm

With my freshly printed resume and copies of my ridet, I head back to SpeakEasy. Judith is talking to someone else, so I wait my turn. When I finally sit down and show her my ridet, she is stunned. It's like I returned with the Golden Fleece. She starts an informal interview in French. The language gods are with me, and I answer all her questions and supply relevant information about myself. She asks if we can switch to English, for practice, and (gentleman that I am) I agree. She tells me that they'll give me a call in early February, and maybe start classes in March. (Again, a weird delay. I have no idea what this is for.) I leave feeling pretty proud of myself, both for speaking decent french and triumphing over the bureaucratic system.

Jan. 22, 2010 2:52pm

I realize that my fly was down the whole time.

Here's a map of all the stops on the journey. It does not indicate return trips or re-visits.